The imperial world of Nesriel, according to the Records of Terra, would have been known to host a modest armament of guard and mechanicus. Emphasis on “Would have.”The Krooldakka Waaaaaahg” quickly overran the planet’s northern continent, almost overnight. As such not all the forces could be deployed, including a mercenary freeblade by the name of Gar Molgusk. The princep was slain, and his imperial Knight, “The Wistful Flame,” was left to the subsequent looting of the orks. At least that would have been the case were it not for the erratically ambitious, and financially savvy freeboota “Groknuts Teefslappa,” who took one look at the imperial knight and saw more than just some fancy armor to decorate a trukk with.
Teefslappa figured the imperial knight would serve better as a Gorkonaut for the waaaaaaagh, but it would need some “fixin’ uppins” first. Problem was the cockpit was far too small for Teefslappa to use. So he found a maintenance serf by the name of Gorbert Jael, (who was hiding in a munitions crate,) and stuffed him into the pilot seat. The idea of the knight turning against him never came to mind, as in his own words,
“Naaaaah, it’s too Gorky now is it? Can’t ‘urt an ork, only ‘umies and other gits! Unless the ork is a git ‘an tries krumpin a zoggin gorkonaut, ‘den it gonna krump back ye see?”
Needless to say, Gorbert was NOT by any means ready for this, but the machine spirit of the Wistful Flame had fought ork hordes before. She knew what would happen if they didn’t cooperate. The idea was to at least maintain autonomy until they could make a break for it, which meant begrudgingly doing most of the legwork until Gorbert could stop wetting himself and come to his senses.
However by this time, Krooldakka was killed by cyclonic torpedoes on another planet, nobody had gotten the memo, and the orks who landed on the other side of the planet were thoroughly miffed by the lack of imperium to fight. One look at Teefslappa’s new toy was enough to fuel the jealousy of new scrap needed for ork to fight against ork for the time being. Not so keen on the idea of surrendering, Teefslappa made his first command to the pilot;
“GORBERT C’HAP, TEAR DOWN DIS WAAAAAAGH!!!”
(Which of course was of no historical importance because this is 40K)
And so, tear down the waaaaagh they did. Now this would have made Teefslappa the defacto big boss, but instead, he saw the scattered ork groups more as business ventures, rather than clans to unite. Freeboota’s gonna freeboot, right? And why ruin a perfectly good opportunity to encourage a fight, especially when you got no one else to fight? Thus Teefslappa started touring the planet with his “Rent-A- ‘Umienaut” service. 1000 teef, and you can have the ‘Umienaut join the clan for one good krumpin against any army or clan you got a beef with. And for 100 teef, you can mount one of the many “Big Dakka Seats” strewn about the ‘Umienaut’s body
Gorbert is still terrified out of his mind, desperately clinging onto the Wistful Flame’s every instruction as his one source of sanity in this increasingly chaotically green world…
Через ноосферное подключение конечно же... ах вы всего лишь рабочий едва прикоснувшийся к таинствам Омниссии, ну чтож вот ведро с маслом и тряпка, отправляйся в мусоросортировочный уровень 11vNь/0,3 натирать поршень Shlik30 и не забывай возносить литании обслуживания.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The imperial world of Nesriel, according to the Records of Terra, would have been known to host a modest armament of guard and mechanicus. Emphasis on “Would have.”The Krooldakka Waaaaaahg” quickly overran the planet’s northern continent, almost overnight. As such not all the forces could be deployed, including a mercenary freeblade by the name of Gar Molgusk. The princep was slain, and his imperial Knight, “The Wistful Flame,” was left to the subsequent looting of the orks. At least that would have been the case were it not for the erratically ambitious, and financially savvy freeboota “Groknuts Teefslappa,” who took one look at the imperial knight and saw more than just some fancy armor to decorate a trukk with.
Teefslappa figured the imperial knight would serve better as a Gorkonaut for the waaaaaaagh, but it would need some “fixin’ uppins” first. Problem was the cockpit was far too small for Teefslappa to use. So he found a maintenance serf by the name of Gorbert Jael, (who was hiding in a munitions crate,) and stuffed him into the pilot seat. The idea of the knight turning against him never came to mind, as in his own words,
“Naaaaah, it’s too Gorky now is it? Can’t ‘urt an ork, only ‘umies and other gits! Unless the ork is a git ‘an tries krumpin a zoggin gorkonaut, ‘den it gonna krump back ye see?”
Needless to say, Gorbert was NOT by any means ready for this, but the machine spirit of the Wistful Flame had fought ork hordes before. She knew what would happen if they didn’t cooperate. The idea was to at least maintain autonomy until they could make a break for it, which meant begrudgingly doing most of the legwork until Gorbert could stop wetting himself and come to his senses.
However by this time, Krooldakka was killed by cyclonic torpedoes on another planet, nobody had gotten the memo, and the orks who landed on the other side of the planet were thoroughly miffed by the lack of imperium to fight. One look at Teefslappa’s new toy was enough to fuel the jealousy of new scrap needed for ork to fight against ork for the time being. Not so keen on the idea of surrendering, Teefslappa made his first command to the pilot;
“GORBERT C’HAP, TEAR DOWN DIS WAAAAAAGH!!!”
(Which of course was of no historical importance because this is 40K)
And so, tear down the waaaaagh they did. Now this would have made Teefslappa the defacto big boss, but instead, he saw the scattered ork groups more as business ventures, rather than clans to unite. Freeboota’s gonna freeboot, right? And why ruin a perfectly good opportunity to encourage a fight, especially when you got no one else to fight? Thus Teefslappa started touring the planet with his “Rent-A- ‘Umienaut” service. 1000 teef, and you can have the ‘Umienaut join the clan for one good krumpin against any army or clan you got a beef with. And for 100 teef, you can mount one of the many “Big Dakka Seats” strewn about the ‘Umienaut’s body
Gorbert is still terrified out of his mind, desperately clinging onto the Wistful Flame’s every instruction as his one source of sanity in this increasingly chaotically green world…
Криса Райта, чистый детектив про людей, арбитровский процедуриал, интриги домов и никакого болтерпорно.
И Человечества!